people who make you feel better about yourself when you’re sad are so important
I Don’t Know How Much Vodka I Put In This But I’m Going To Drink It Anyways: a memoir
This drink tastes awful, but I can’t waste alcohol: a sequel
I’m going to get a bigger glass and add more mixer and have way too much to drink: The Thrilling Conclusion
burnie: what is the amount of time when you’re dating someone where you can fart in front of them? what’s first? is fart first or is “i love you” first?
gus: probably the fart.
burnie: really? fart comes before “i love you?”
gus: yeah. everyone farts, not everyone loves you.
i wish i had my own apartment so i could make food at two in the morning and dance around in my underwear
funny how once you get your own apartment this is actually exactly what happens
And then you cry over the responsibility of living on your own.
For the past two days, this little dinosaur has been hitchhiking on my side mirror.
And every time I go back to my car, he’s just chilling on top of the mirror, ready to go.
The dude’s hella confused though. He sees himself in the mirror and tries to attract himself to himself
And sometimes it looks like he fell off …
ADVENTURES OF CAR DINOSAUR
cherish him forever
Next time I start to develop a crush on someone please just punch me in the face instead
why do you care if people have tattoos and piercings or if people don’t wanna shave their legs or who people wanna fuck with
literally why do you care what someone else does with their own body if they’re not hurting anyone
it doesn’t affect you and there are a lot better things for you to actually give a fuck about
y’all got to work on your fucks budget, spend your fucks more wisely
ration all y’alls fucks